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Amazon Prime Love Poem



You’ve been there all along

But I ignore you,

Choosing to get trampled in the mall.

You send subtle emails

Hinting I am still here,

I delete your words with one finger fall.


I won’t be efficient! Or use common sense!

I’d rather go to that place that makes me cranky, tired and tense!

I prefer to stand,

iphone in hand,

In a sluggish line twelve deep,

Tripping around Santa’s sleigh and hut,

Thick with many a diapered peep.


Why do I pretend that you do not exist?

Because it’s Christmas, I tell myself, I insist

That for buying heartfelt gifts I must try a little harder

I can’t shop online for all the gifts! I must be a mall martyr!


I should touch that fuzzy sweater,

Feel the weight of the toiletry bag,

Sniff the scented pens and candles,

Will this perfume make her gag?


I must sample the chocolates before I ship them! Ten plus flavors, at the least!

But lo, the massive parking lot, she is an untamed beast.

Slick and black, she glistens, with countless stripes of white.

Yet, two stripes to fit my car are always hidden from my sight.


So like a jackal catching the scent of blood,

I stalk women laden with cumbersome goods.

As they search for their cars, their cheeks get pinker

So I follow, clutching wheel, and they ignore my blinker.


One finally arrives at her shiny sedan

But wait, it was a fake out!

She crab-walked to adjacent row!

Directly into competing jackal’s stakeout.


I sigh and pound my head on wheel

Then look up at visor and say,

“Why, oh why, can’t there be another way?”

Suddenly I see a vision, she is yellow with a smile

She whispers in my ear, Hi friend, I’ve been here all the while.


I’m sorry I forsook you, I say to the Grin,

It’s all been a foolish blunder.

Don’t worry, my dear, I welcome you,

Now type in your sixteen magical numbers…



7 Responses to “ Amazon Prime Love Poem ”

  1. Kirsty Heron says:

    So funny Lindsey, and perfect timing for what I’m off to tackle!

  2. Love Z says:

    Why do you try to resist? Prime is like crack. It’s slowly killing me, but I can’t stop.

  3. Lori says:

    Cute-I am joining the trend too and ordering more online! If only I could get a fricken Shopkins Shoppie Jessicake!!! :(

  4. Amy C. says:

    Prime is my guilty pleasure in life. At least now I’m taking advance of their Amazon Prime Music app now and feel like I’m getting more my money’s worth.


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