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A Little Bit Distracted Here

kermit anxiety

“Can you call my phone? I just had it…”

“Honey, will you grab the spare car keys out of Daddy’s drawer again? Shhh…”

“I could have sworn my ___(fill in blank with anything not attached to me) was RIGHT HERE TWO SECONDS AGO!”

Every time my phone rings (when it’s not lost), I PANIC. Oh No! Is that the dentist’s office/ doctor’s office/ hair salon telling me I missed an appointment? Is that school saying I dropped off my kids without food/ craft supplies/ money/permission slip/ random crap for miscellaneous celebration/ shoes? Did I forget piano or sax lessons? Sports practice? Did I no-show for a Girl Scout event? Was I in charge of game snack? For the love of Sam, WHAT DID I FORGET TODAY?

I’ve had loseeverythingitis and phone-ring-phobia before, and I know what it means. I couldn’t miss the memo if I tried, because it has taken human form and is holding a megaphone to my face and spitting, SISTER, YOU NEED A HOLIDAY. Which is fantastic timing, really, because I’m taking one.

A really, really far one. To a place I’ve never been. Without my family.

I vascillate between supreme elation and a near-crippling case of anxie-guilt. Here are the thoughts that may or may not occur during any two minute span of my recent days:

I can’t wait to catch up with my friends in Singapore and then dodge elephant turds while riding a Schwinn on a goat track in Northern India!

I am a terrible mother.

I can’t believe I am going someplace where NO ONE WILL NEED ME!

Because I am a terrible mother.

I love new and exotic things!

Like diarrhea. And being a terrible mother.

im such a bitch

Just go, breathe, sleep, have fun! This is the break you asked for, that you deserve AND BEFORE YOU PIPE UP about being a 14 on the 1 to 10 Scale of Awful, remember that all children should have breaks from beastly creatures like yourself, so you’re actually doing your family a huge service.

Good point, Me.

So then.

Here I come, India via Singapore!

So long, meetings about meetings!

Sayonara, fires to be put out, conversations that need to happen, lists of things to buy/ sell/ give/ destroy/ create/ improve/ become!

Take care, large messes everywhere!

Arrivederci, sleepless nights over abandoning family/ animal/ responsibilities/ unpacked boxes from move five weeks ago/ driving route/ self-sabotaging patterns!

Hasta luego, blog! I mean, you might hear from me, but probably not until Thanksgiving, when I will fill you in on what is certain to be a most fantastic adventure.


Hellooooo, question mark.



2 Responses to “ A Little Bit Distracted Here ”

  1. Love Z says:

    I’m guessing that you are knee-deep in exotic things in Singapore by now and your anxie-guilt flew out the window long before you landed. Enjoy!

  2. Heidi Berry says:

    Giggle to all…Singapore..CHECK!…Now on to your
    turd-dodging adventure. Go girl! Refresh!


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